Why Self-care is not Selfish

Originally written for the Grace in Action Newsletter

Personal growth can sometimes feel selfish. Why invest so much time and money in reading self-improvement books, exercising, or being coached? I have work to do, bills to pay, and a house full of people who depend on me. How can I justify dedicating so much time to my own well-being?

I was thinking about this as we returned from our family vacation. I had just finished 11 hours of driving, and the last leg was bumper-to-bumper traffic through Chicago. I was stressed and exhausted, and I took it out on a leftover container of brownies.

For the last few weeks, I’ve been following an eating regime that has made me feel amazing. But in a moment of weakness, I indulged and waited for the brain fog and stomachache to roll in.

Such slip-ups will happen. No big deal. But I noticed that once I started scarfing down those sugar-filled chocolate squares, my wife followed suit. Over the past couple months, her diet has been improving many areas of her health. But when I gave in, she also did.

This is why self-care is not a selfish activity. Sticking to a diet or intentionally moving your body sets the culture and tone for the people around you whom you care so much about.

Actions do speak louder than words

I would like to believe my kids will do everything I ask of them:

“Read your Bible.”

“Train your body.”

“Budget your money.”

No matter how much I nag, they don’t seem to follow my “sage” advice.

But the other night, I popped into my son’s bedroom before I went to sleep, and I caught him reading his Bible. And then the other day, I stumbled upon my daughter lifting weights out in the garage. Then, a few days ago, I listened as my daughter was planning out her finances.

They weren’t following my advice — they were following my example.

Seeing my family reflect my habits — both good and bad — shows me that personal growth is not selfish. It’s how I serve them.

So, who is watching what you are doing?

Who follows your example?

Become the person you want them to be. Grow into a strong, patient, God-fearing leader, and those around you will follow. Then, your self-care will be an act of service.